the olympics bring me joy

I started writing this post during the Olympics, but since I blog about twice a decade now, of course I didn’t finish it in time, thus it is now also about other things I’ve been watching because it’s already fucking August. Anyway, it’s mostly about the Olympics and therefore #onbrand for this blog that barely exists, but it’s also just about other stuff.

Even though I hated participating sports my entire life, even though I was never really quite on top of who was playing in the World Series or Super Bowl, I’ve always been super into the Olympics. Summer more than winter, of course, and I can’t imagine any non-athlete disagreeing with that, but really, I get excited about them both. I remember at the 2004 Games in Athens, watching the Opening Ceremonies, I got this idea that perhaps I would want a career in the IOC. This makes no sense, aside from the fact that I was going through a phase at that point where I really loved the idea of an international career in the UN or similar, because it seemed very glamorous. I had absolutely no idea what exactly I would do in the IOC, but that’s beside the point, because I also didn’t know what exactly I would be qualified to do in the UN, because teenagers don’t really understand what jobs look like.

My favorite thing at the Opening Ceremony was the dancing pictograms–absolutely brilliant–just enough whimsy without being cutesy or mOdErN dAnCe floofy.

Anyway, while I am not a sentimental person and don’t really like having feelings that people can see in public, I find the Olympics weirdly wholesome and heartwarming, and when I turn off the part of my brain that knows Games absolutely decimate host cities and are awful for the environment and the economy, I like that it’s one of those things that is mainly positive. It’s kind of like Instagram, where yes, if you’re a celebrity, you probably get a lot of nasty comments, but for regular people, it’s a very Whitman-certified celebrate thyself kind of place—you ate a yummy sandwich? Happy for you! New puppy? Great! You did a handstand? Rock on! Read a good book? Sweet! Literally everything is worth being excited about. And the Olympics feels that way as well, at least from my position as a spectator with absolutely no stakes in the event.

I have precisely zero desire to know whether it is very ugly when you’re there in the dirt, because what I see from where I’m sitting is a bunch of super talented people who, yes, are competing against each other for glory for their country (which is gross on the basis of nationalism), but consistently high five and hug (though !!!! pandemic!!!) their competitors at the end of a race. My guess is it’s such an exciting achievement to be there, not to mention such a unique and exclusive experience, it feels like you’re part of a team made up of everyone there, not just Amurica rah rah, but what do I know. I’ll pass on any of that nonsense, so I don’t want to know.

Perhaps my enjoyment is based in how the fandom is inter, not intra? When you’re in your own country, you have ugly fan rivalries between this state and that state, this college and that college. In the Olympics, you’re all cheering for the same team. Again, my politics say this is gross because the nation of my birth, the glorious USA, is garbage in a million ways, but my personal enjoyment is what counts here, so stay with me.

I did not grow up with cable TV (we upgraded to a TV with a remote control in the middle of the ’98 Nagano Games—I remember this specifically because Olympics—so my childhood was a bunch of bunny ears and dials and a cart the TV lived on that was often in a closet), so it’s not like I could watch all events all day. Then when I became an adult in the late ‘00s, I didn’t own a TV, so my TV was my computer, and streaming without buffering delays, to say nothing of live events syndicated online, and were but a glint in the eye of tech bros.

So I don’t know if it’s ongoing pandemic malaise, grad school fatigue, chronic anxiety, and fibromyalgia that are making me respond positively to literally anything that seems a bit optimistic, or if it’s just because I’m a TV head who now lives alone, works from home, and gets free cable at her new house, but I have been watching TONS of events and far more sports than I would usually see.

What’s more, I’m far more tuned in than I’ve been in the past. When I was a kid being forced to try sports, it was just because that’s what you do, or maybe because my mom just wanted me to be healthy, or maybe because it’s a healthy, prosocial activity that helps you develop as a youth, who knows? What it wasn’t about was, like, discipline or getting to know your body or learning the nuance of the sport. I suppose that’s because I wasn’t being pushed into serious teams, but whatever. It’s a shame, but it’s in the past, and I can’t exactly go back and pinpoint how much of it was not being pushed to be disciplined and how much was me resisting that.

It’s amazing how much more compelling and engaging watching the Olympics is now that I’ve had so much education in movement and biomechanics.

As a Pilates teacher, those 500 hours of training (the longest certification in the fitness industry!) felt wholly insufficient for doing my job–they are the tip of the iceberg, and I am bad at remembering details and scientific names of bones and muscles, even if I know what they are and what they’re doing, and also imposter syndrome is real, so I will never feel good enough. As a Pilates student, however, that 500 hours of training was incredible, and possibly the best thing about the experience was learning how to visualize my own movement and feel movements inside my body while watching them on other people. That is not at all to say I understand how to perform Olympic sports, but it does mean watching the athletes and listening to the commentary is so much richer now because I can follow the action better. I can better appreciate the work that goes into performing a dive or a jump or a vault rather than just being awed by it. I guess it’s like learning the magician’s trick, but to me it makes it more magical to understand how it happens, not less.

Last summer, while I was feeling miserable and completely out of sorts biomechanically and proprioceptively, I started watching American Ninja Warrior and am wholly obsessed now (though this season sucks). I watched it obsessively and made it through all the back seasons very quickly, and I think it was a sort of aspirational activity because I wanted my own strength and fitness back, and it was also soothing because it gave me the opportunity to do that visualizing movement when I couldn’t actually feel any movement or sense of space in my own body. This summer I’m finally moving again, but I still haven’t taught a spin class in 18 months and may never again, and I’m a far cry from what I once was. My shorts and pants still don’t fit, my muscles are fired up by physical therapy standards but certainly not by fitness standards, and while I’ve moved on from perpetual pain to pain roughly two days a week, that’s still two days more than normal humans have. So watching the Olympics last month brought me similar feelings of wistful relief–wistful because I feel like I still can’t do anything, and relief because I was able to engage in athletic activity mentally. It feels icky to admit to feeling any sort of joy in anything in this hellscape or in this personality of mine, but there you go.

fitness for bibliophiles: circe

It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment’s carelessness. If I had ever believed it, I no longer did.

–Circe, by Madeline Miller

My usual retort to any cis woman when she tells me that she doesn’t want to lift heavy weights because she doesn’t want to bulk up goes something like this: “Are you eating 200 grams of protein a day and taking testosterone supplements? Cause if you’re not, lifting some weights is not going to bulk you up.” It’s a joke, but it’s also true. Generally speaking, if you are genetically female, you are not designed to get substantially bulky without outside help. Lifting twenty pounds instead of two will not change that, though it will make you stronger.

There are two important things in fitness, and you don’t exactly get them at the same time: muscular strength and muscular endurance. Strength is what you can lift, right? Endurance is how often or for how long you can lift it. Want to increase your strength? Go high weight, low rep. Want to increase your endurance? Go low weight, high rep. Want to be fit? Do both.

Low weight, high rep is how many workouts marketed to women are designed: LA Fitness’ Body Works Plus Abs program, barre classes, and Pound are some examples. They trade on the fear that women have about bulking up, which is too bad, because they could just market themselves as muscular endurance classes without the fear-mongering. They are fantastic for that! But at some point you also have to work on more sustained and heavier exercises if you want to get stronger. Lifting heavy weight to failure in, say, six reps will do wonders for your overall strength, while lifting light weights to failure in, say, 32 reps, will help you with your stamina.

Please do both. Please.

There’s nothing new or interesting about saying that women are shamed a lot when it comes to fitness. We are told not to do things that will make us bulk up, even though that’s not how science works anyway, and we’re told we’re always inadequate but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying to “improve” every day, and and and. But if there’s one thing I can impart to you (and assume about you), it’s that you should not be afraid of lifting heavier weights (and you probably aren’t doing a lot of it). That doesn’t literally mean you have to go bench press 200 pounds, though feel free if you want to. It could also mean doing slow bodyweight exercises, throwing some pushups into your routine, strapping on or setting up some resistance bands to push and pull. But don’t speed through everything with two pounds.

The goddess Circe doesn’t give any fucks about society’s wishes for her, though in our human defense, we don’t have centuries upon centuries to unlearn harmful body messages, and she did. Though this book starts out kind of boring, essentially just giving us summaries of all the major Greek myths, it gradually turns into this really fantastic feminist tale, and I’m so glad I stuck with the initial boring bits to get to the amazing rest of it all. Highly recommend.

Get the book @ iTunes | iBooks | Amazon | IndieBound | your library

review: the p.volve method

Earlier this year, I saw an ad for a really interesting piece of workout equipment. It was your average squeezy ball, it seemed, but it also had a band around it, so it was both a resistance loop and a ball in one! It looked awesome, I meant to bookmark it, I forgot, end of story.

Then I came across it again, and this time I actually followed it back to the website. I thought about buying it, then remembered I had other bills to pay, and I gave up on the idea. But I kept on thinking about it, and while I really, really do not have extra money right now, I realized that if you think about a potential impulse buy for days afterward, it’s not an impulse buy, it’s something you really want. So I figured I could cut costs elsewhere and buy this thing, which I learned is called the p.ball, and it is genius for precisely the reasons I mentioned: it’s both a ball to squeeze and a band to press, so you can get an adductor and abductor workout without constantly switching equipment.

I happened to purchase it on a day when they had a pretty good deal going on–I could get a free two months of streaming workouts, plus for essentially the price of shipping, I could also get another piece of equipment called the p.band, and then shipping was free! Also, they have student and educator discounts, which says something about what the company values, even if there are some problematic things they value as well (more on that later). #allidoiswin

So you could totally just buy the equipment and be done with it, but the streaming was free, so I figured why not learn the actual method, since it’s touted as the workout for Victoria’s Secret Angels. I’m really glad I watched the introductory videos, and honestly, even though I started this back in May and it’s August now, I would still like to go back and watch those videos again, because it’s rather complex, even if it seems simple. The basis of it all is the p.sit, which is less than a squat and allows you to keep the exercise in your glutes, not your quads. I’m very quad-dominant from all my indoor cycling, and my glutes and hamstrings are weak no matter how much I try to work them out, so this was great for me. The theory goes that if you sit back just a little bit, you can keep the emphasis in your glutes. Since we are a sitting culture, we all tend to have weak glutes and hamstrings even if we aren’t cyclists, and our hips tend to be pretty closed, so this method is designed to counteract all that. The idea is “pre-hab,” not exercise to the point of pain. While they would never say so, it’s kind of the same principle as Pilates in that way: let’s learn to move and use our body in a way that keeps it injury-free and less injury-prone. It’s amazing how quickly you feel the difference between the sit and the squat. Already I’m noticing a difference in both the appearance and feel of my glutes, hamstrings, and quads.

Here’s the bad: while the website will tout (for good reason) the benefit to all bodies as far as activating often-forgotten muscles and keeping you free from injury, the images and phrasing are what you’d expect from lots of trendy workouts: thigh gaps, slim white women, gender essentialism, and nonsense terminology like “toning.”

They definitely have work to do in that respect. I spend a lot of time in their Facebook group, so I know I’m not the only person who doesn’t like that messaging and who wishes there were more “real” people (bigger bodies, people of color, nonbinary people). It’s a pretty young company; not all the workouts on the streaming site are equally good as far as instructional and video quality; and there are 100% without a doubt a lot of women promoting it who were skinny and thigh gappy af long before they met P., the creator of the method. But there are other people like me who haven’t even been doing it that long but already feel the difference and, in my flattering experience (currently in the honeymoon stage of my, like, third real relationship ever? in almost 31 years?), gets your boyfriend slapping your ass and going, “you been working out, baby?”

But if you can look through and past the crappy parts of the message, the workout really is dope.

I often talk about how the thing that kept me doing Pilates was how cerebral it is. I’m quirky and brainy, not spiritual in the slightest, and not white, granola, evangelical, or “Buddhist” enough to be about iNsPiRaTiOnAl shit. With Pilates, you have to think about a hundred things at once and be really, really in tune with your body. It’s super hard, and you can’t half-ass it or you’ll hurt. That’s true of p.volve, too. No matter how in shape you are, you absolutely have to watch some of the beginner videos (even if they are frustratingly slow) so that you can get an idea of what you’re supposed to do and feel. I can always tell if I’m tired or half-assing it, because then I hurt immediately while doing it and have to reset before I continue. That sounds scary, but I think it’s good, because I’m often multitasking, and it’s a good reminder that our brains really aren’t as good as that as we think they are. If you don’t stay engaged with what you’re doing in p.volve, you’re not doing p.volve correctly. My brain is firing just as much as my muscle fibers. While I technically started in May, I then went to Italy for three weeks and didn’t work out at all aside from taking a bazillion steps a day, so I’m considering my real start date to be mid-June. That’s only 14 workouts (because I was also teaching at that time and doing lots of other stuff), and it took only like four to start to see some muscle definition that I haven’t seen before, even though I’ve been working out for years. Do I think I will only do p.volve? Nah. For one thing, Pilates has given me core strength that surpasses what p.volve has offered me thus far. But p.volve has given me tiny muscle activation that other workouts haven’t provided, so I like it for that–and for aesthetics, tbh. I’m still only human and only a cis woman in the western world, so it’s hard to fully turn off my ingrained drive to lose weight and look “better,” no matter how much I know that’s ridiculous.

The reason I’m posting this review today is because it’s the last day to sign up for their August Transform Challenge. Challenges are silly, I know, but gameifying and metrics are the things I’ve found are most likely to keep me on task with whatever task I’m trying to accomplish. And since at the moment I’m not teaching Pilates in any regularly scheduled classes, I’m mostly working out at home and using my own equipment. Thankfully, for all that the marketing is problematic, this challenge is not marketed as having to do with weight loss or even body measurements, though I am personally doing both of those things. You have the option of submitting a before/after photo, but you don’t have to submit any numbers of any kind if you’re uncomfortable doing so. The challenge is consistency: you complete 18 workouts in 30 days (even though August hath 31…). Any workout on the site, any length you choose (20 minutes or more), any days of the week you wish. If you do that, you get a free month of streaming plus discounted equipment. And bragging rights.

You can sign up now and do the equipment-free workouts until whatever equipment you order arrives….or just do them equipment-free for whatever time until you’re convinced, then buy it. Whatever. I will say that the p.ball and p.band are unlike anything you can buy anywhere else. I’m still not fully over a sprained wrist, and the thing I like about the band is that it has resistance but doesn’t require wrist flexion or extension–the tube is attached to the glove in such a way that you don’t have to grip it at all. Like, I said, this guy’s a genius even if he is a little too obsessed with thigh gaps. Ankle and hand weights are easy to find anywhere, ankle bands with cuffs slightly harder to find but not impossible, and there are inexpensive plastic slantboards in the world–however, I have learned that my cheap slantboard is a lot slipperier than a heavy wooden one would be, so if you have the budget (don’t forget the student/educator discount!), that is a purchase I would recommend making from them or from Amazon. But the p.ball and p.band are definitely the most unique items. With those and my Pilates wheel, I feel really happy with my at-home workouts, and I have always hated working out at home. I think I’ll be sticking with this for awhile.

So. Feel like joining me in the August Transform Challenge? Click here.

You are clicking affiliate links to the p.volve site. That means you pay the same price that you would if you found the site on your own, but I receive a small commission if you buy items or purchase a membership. Thank you for helping me survive on a grad student income!

fitness for bibliophiles: freshwater

“I can see you change,” he told us, his eyes narrowed in interest. “Your body language. How you talk. Your eyes. You’re not always the same person, are you?”
Freshwater, by Akwaeke Emezi

It took a really long time for me to get into a workout routine. My entire life, all the physical activity I did was dictated by others–PE in elementary school and eighth grade, ballet folklórico because my sister did it, swim team because Tucson is hot and what else are you going to do, riding my bike because it gave me independence and it’s how I met up with my friends around the neighborhood. I did not like team sports because I was afraid of the ball and uncoordinated. (As opposed to now, when I am still afraid of the ball but slightly more coordinated.) And given I was being treated for a condition I didn’t have (asthma) instead of a breathing condition I did have (vocal cord dysfunction), it was difficult and embarrassing to engage in physical activity.

It wasn’t until I was about 26 that I liked exercise, and it was even longer before I developed a solid routine and regimen–a diet, so to speak, of exercise. And just because I have one doesn’t mean it’s never going to change. I’m a librarian by training, even though I don’t work in a library anymore, and one of our guiding philosophies is that if you don’t like to read, you just haven’t found the right book yet. If you don’t like exercise yet, buy a bunch of Groupons, join classpass, find studios and gyms in your area that offer a free first class, or sign up for free trials of streaming fitness services and go wild! Just as the best book to read is the book you want to read, the best type of workout is the one you actually want to do. So with trial and error, you’ll find something.

But don’t stop there. The theory of muscle confusion is pretty much debunked at this point, but variance does lead to better fitness outcomes. It can be something as simple as increasing the weight you’re lifting, adding more reps, or doing interval training. For me, though, I’m less and less interested in traditional cardio machines, and I can’t do a lot of traditional weightlifting after multiple arm and wrist injuries, so that’s not going to work for me. What does work for me is keeping about four different modalities going. Right now that’s Pilates, indoor cycling, p.volve, and aqua fitness. That allows me to use different muscles in different ways, accommodate my injuries and limitations, and not overtrain. I’ve done overtraining and it was the worst. For the most part, I’m doing these things two, one, two, and one time a week, and I feel the best I’ve felt in a long time.

Ada is a protagonist whose selves are splintered. She is more than one person, and those different people process different events, happy and sad, exhilarating and traumatic, at different times. This book is heart-shattering and vindicating to read, from the college angst to the meditations on mental illness. As someone who lives with mental illness, though not those that Ada has (and are they just illnesses? Magic realism complicates that notion), I totally loved this book.

I’m not always the same person. I’m not always in the same mood. I don’t always have the same physical, mental, or emotional needs. So how could I always need the same workout?

Get the book @ iTunes | iBooks | Amazon | IndieBound | yr library

sorta review: companies that truly get inclusivity and diversity

I am known, at least in the books/publishing world that I peripherally live and work in, to be the girl who gives no cookies to people just for saying they give a shit. I particularly mean shits about diversity and equity. Lots of people like to say they care, and then they still do stereotypes. Or they say they care, and they beat you over the head with how much they care by constantly calling out what a good job they’re doing or telling you how they’re doing a “body acceptance” issue of a magazine before going right back to the status quo, or a “black girl magic” book and 100 white girl books right alongside it. You get the idea.

There are, however, some brands out there that seem to just have a natural inclination to be representative and equitable in their work. And they are the ones I try to give my money to. They are women’s magazines whose pages are full of photos of all sizes and colors and sexes of woman. They are clothing companies that fit people with shapes that don’t generally grace runways.

You know you’re a brown person in America when you’re so used to being erased from the media and materials you consume that seeing someone who resembles you or whose story speaks to you is jarring. It’s downright unnatural. Even though I, like anyone else, should be entitled to some representation in the things I buy.

Sigh.

Anyway, if you are also a member of one or a number of marginalized groups, and/or if you just think it’s important to support businesses and publications that care about those people, here are some things I recommend.

Dear Kates

Dear Kates
These are not cheap. But they shouldn’t be. They’re period (or incontinence, or post-partum) undies. They’re also useful for working out when you’re doing really heavy work for a long time and don’t want to offend others if you start to smell. They’re also cute and quite comfy. I love mine. They were worth every penny, and they show no sign of breaking down after numerous washings. AND not only does this company make a wide range of sizes, but they often use real women as models. That’s because women come in all sizes. It’s also because they pick really cool ladies who are engineers and CEOs and stuff, and they tell you a bit about their stories. AND they name the undies after cool ladies – like, for example, the Ada is named after Ada Byron Lovelace, WHO INVENTED COMPUTER PROGRAMMING. Betcha didn’t know that, because patriarchy.

Anyway, I love Dear Kates so much that I ordered cards to be a brand rep, and that means I can give you a discount. They didn’t pay me to write this, but I love them. So if you’re going to go over there and order, use the code XOHannahGomez to get 15% off whatever you buy.

Pole Fitness

Pole dancing

Yes, really. I bought a Groupon to my local pole fitness place, and I bet you have one in your area. I was really afraid because I’m not graceful at all and have no idea how to be sexy or work my angles or anything. I would be TERRIBLE at America’s Next Top Model. Awful. I might be a beast on a fake bicycle, but I lack a lot of physical awareness, tbh.

But I will try literally any type of fitness once, especially if there’s a deal on it. So I went, and I still have five classes to go on my pass, and even though I’ve obviously not been going consistently, I think it’s great. One of the teachers is one of the tiniest people I’ve ever seen. Another was a beast at the pole and also fat. Another was of average height but looked like she didn’t have any fat on her, but somehow also didn’t look like a body builder. Anybody was welcome. The class was full of all types of people, and we were all wearing booty shorts and tight shirts or sports bra. Because who cares. We were all there to feel strong. And I did. Slash I felt weak. You might think you’re strong because you lift weights, but try lifting your entire body off the floor by your arms–held at a weird angle. Try it.

Honestly it was one of the best experiences I’ve had simply because it was so nonchalant and welcoming. I’d compare it to gymnastics or acro yoga if you’re trying to gauge muscle use or calorie burn. Also, I hate dancing, and there was no dancing involved. It was simply a foundations class where you learn moves and learn how to hold yourself up on a pole and hang off of it in various ways. Coordination and strength first, sexiness second. Or, for me, probably never. You should try yours. I have a feeling my experience is actually the standard at such places.

InStyle

Yes, it’s just a fashion magazine. But also it is unique. It’s intelligent like Vogue, but it’s a lot more attainable and affordable inside. I like that it really does teach me style, whereas a lot of other glossies are just about trends and Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar are for incredibly wealthy white women who probably do not have jobs.

InStyle is also great because whenever it’s doing pictures of celebrities or makeup advice or whatever, they have women of all colors. Just because there are celebrities of all colors and because an eyeshadow that looks good on Iman will not necessarily look good on….I dunno. Someone pale that I don’t pay attention to, because her makeup will not look good on me.

They could improve a bit more on size acceptance, because they still call out whenever they’re doing larger sized fashion, but I will still take that in the meantime, because at least they’re doing it. Small steps.

Women’s Running


I’ve told you about this magazine before and why I love it. So get thee to Amazon or their website and order.

Girls of color. Big girls and small. Transwomen. Olympians. Regular people. Affordable items inside. Very little about weight loss and a lot about mental and physical strength and self-satisfaction. What’s not to like?